I guess I’ll type about it now..

I guess I’m ready to type about it now.

It has nothing to do with food or cooking, except that I will have less mouths to feed.

I finally gave in and put my aunt in a Hospice Home. It was getting so hard for me. I felt like a prisoner in my own home because I could never leave her unattended.

I know she will be getting the proper care and even more so than I could give her, but my feelings are mixed. Relieved because it had become such a burden, and yet saddened that I wasn’t able to see it out to the end.

She loved anything soft, and mashed potatoes and gravy where a favorite.

They called today and said they were putting her on antidepressants.

If I had kept her here much longer I believe I would have had to get some.

It isn’t like I won’t see her because I will visit weekly, but why do I feel so disconnected?

Such a hard decision on my part.

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12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Chris
    Feb 22, 2007 @ 23:04:21

    I can’t begin to understand what you have gone and are going through. I am sorry to hear of your rough times. She knows the care you gave. Our elders want us to live our lives as fervently (or more) as they and understand the decisions that made from the heart like you have done here. Hang in there!

    Reply

  2. Freya
    Feb 23, 2007 @ 03:46:23

    Hi Sue,
    It must have been a difficult decision for you to make, I hope that you find comfort in the times when things were easier and happier, as they will be again. Chris pretty much sums it all up. My thoughts are with you!

    Reply

  3. husband
    Feb 23, 2007 @ 05:57:50

    I am so sorry to read this. I can’t imagine the problems, frustrations and axieties with making your decision. You are in our thoughts.

    Reply

  4. cooknkate
    Feb 23, 2007 @ 11:56:48

    I think we all want to be capable of making the world better for everyone, we want to be strong and persevere no matter what, and when the reality hits us that it’s harder than we imagined, we somehow feel we have failed. You gave your Aunt everything you could. She just needed more. It had to have been a very difficult decision to make. I will pray for peace for you both.

    Reply

  5. sher
    Feb 23, 2007 @ 21:12:41

    I know this was a terribly hard decision. I was a caretaker for my mom and I know how hard it can be, the stress and level of work. It can become too much and you made the right decision for both of you. When it becomes too much for the caretaker, they aren’t able to help the way they want. You didn’t fail your aunt. Hugs!

    Reply

  6. Pookah
    Feb 24, 2007 @ 11:07:33

    I am very sorry to hear what you have been through/are going through. My father-in-law passed away last month at the ripe old age of 90 and his brother, at 93+ said “what a blessing to have lived to be 90 to to die suddenly with no pain”. It is very hard, any way, any time, any how to make these decisions, but you are doing what is best for you and for her. God bless.

    Reply

  7. Lisa
    Feb 24, 2007 @ 14:47:45

    I empathize so much. My mom had to be in a nursing home toward the end and I cried and felt like I didn’t know what to do each time I drove away after a visit. And it was hard to bring myself to go — and I felt bad about that, too. It’s a terrible part of life that until you’ve been through it with someone you love, you can’t imagine. Hang on there…

    Reply

  8. Jancd
    Feb 24, 2007 @ 17:02:25

    I share your sadness and pain. My sister-in-law took care of her mother till they were both about to do each other in. My husband had to step in and move his mother (100) to an assisted living place near our home. Truly, we felt we saved both of them. His mother lived happily for three more months, cared for beautifully, hair and nails done every week, music, good food. She died happy, ready to go. We have no regrets, except that we did not make the move sooner. We saw her almost every day till the end. You are in my prayers.

    Reply

  9. Kristen
    Feb 24, 2007 @ 22:46:16

    I’m sure that this decision was such a hard one… I hope you can find peace with it. It is hard, but I’m sure you did what is best for her care and well being.

    Reply

  10. Katie
    Feb 26, 2007 @ 07:12:43

    It’s a difficult time. My aunt went in 3 years ago and my mother 1 1/2 years ago. On the positve side, they are both with a lot of their friends and have activities that are ‘appropriate’ for their more limited abilities (failing eyesight, etc.). Knowing that still doesn’t make it any easier, though.
    She’ll love your visits – and phone calls if you can.
    You did your best, let the guilt go

    Reply

  11. coffeepot
    Feb 26, 2007 @ 20:57:39

    Thank you all for your kind thoughts and prayers.

    I know I did the right thing for both of us but it was and still is hard.

    I am just not myself right now.

    Thanks.

    Reply

  12. Glenna
    Mar 28, 2007 @ 00:59:55

    Sue, you were very brave to make that decision. You obviously did the best you could for as long as you could to take care of her in your home but there comes a point where people required too much care for one person or one family. I’m so happy you had the wonderful time you did with her having her so near, and now you’ll still be there for her, it’s just that her bedroom is across town. You’re still taking care of her.

    Reply

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